Sitting with Grief

How does it feel to sit with grief? How does a person’s life compensate for an important person’s loss?

I think to say that life is unfair would be an exaggeration but who determines the fairness of life? It is equally wrong to say that life is fair. Yesterday sitting with an old family friend of my grandfather and listening to all stories about his wife and times with my Baba with such shine in his eyes, I realized loss can also be made of happy moments if we choose to. He was a tenant of my Baba more than 40 years ago and that is how they turned friends. My Baba was an amicable personality, loved by everyone and my most favorite person in the world as somehow I always felt he understood me inspite of coming from a very different time altogether. I remember when I got admission for Engineering, he would proudly boast ” Meri Poti Engineer Hai” whether it be his friend or our milkman, I was always embarassed.

The kind hearted person he was, our house was always surrounded by street kids and he made sure everyone was fed well every day. Amma got a little furious sometimes but that is how Baba was, always helping, always caring and making the world a better place.

Yesterday, uncle spoke about his late wife and how she was such a lively person as opposed to him. She would gather everyone and have a party whenever she felt like. When cancer struck, she fought like a warrior and defeated it once. However, the last days were difficult for her when it knocked again and that is when she knew it was time. Uncle was sitting with grief in that moment, telling us about how his wife already knew and told him that she won’t be able to move with him any further. She was not in her best mental health and anxiety caught hold of her. During peak winters she used to go and sleep in the balcony suddenly at night and when asked she would reply “Andar ghutan ho rahi hai”.

He shared her stories and the time they spent together with such gleam in his eyes that it faded the moist and sitting across the table and listening, I realized, grief is a culmination of all the happy moments that made our heart happy at some point but to live it again is all about memories. With all the things we talked about, my Baba is my most favourite memory and I wish he was here with me cheering me when times get tough without him even realizing. I think he was there, watching and smiling as I sat there in that moment with grief in my eyes and memories in my heart.

Writers Block

You dive into your river of thoughts, searching tirelessly to unveil the hidden treasures.You continue splashing water out of your way till you reach the river bed but still no luck on the treasure. Not finding a dime, you hope that may be it would rain sapphires but you are only in for disappointment.

You travel the hilly roads, stopping at each steep turn, waiting for a crowd to approach you but all you see are empty roads and a blue sky without the clouds passing by. The nature has betrayed you that day.

Not finding a path, you will yourself to jump from your sky of emotions praying that your wings emerge but alas, the search ends with a parachute being the only saving grace.

But some days when you stop trying hard, finally settling in with the dust , you see an ocean of thoughts approaching you in waves. A picturesque moment you had been waiting for all this while and in that moment, you are a sponge,happily absorbing the thought waves coming your way.

-Mitali

takeaways

I waited long enough

To let it find me

Love

A feeling I longed for

All along disguised

Riding along me

Meanwhile

The taunts from them

grew exponentially

Society

An entity I ran far from

yet clenched within their fists

A lover I wanted

To boast of an unreal love

To the society

Which considered me absurd

The day I had enough

I confronted myself

No longer wanting to take it

My humility betrayed me

But the power I felt

shadowed any disparity

Finding it within me

Strength

I gave in to fight

fought hard

fought smart

bruises on soul

and everyday paroles

but in the end

the difference I made

catapulted in a respite

-Mitali

Empowering Women

your heart has been

an epitome of sinking

desires for too long

let them float and

allow blood to

traverse freely

Empowerment has never been a biased term but women have needed it more than ever having faced years of oppression and consequences of patriarchy. It has been a long wait and still continues to be a fight for most of us.

In order to be free you need to be fierce. I know it is better said than done but there are women out there breaking barriers and making way for others by planting a glint of hope that the journey is difficult but not impossible.

Empowerment starts from within and then reaches elsewhere. Don’t let your desires dry out by the heat of right and wrong and fight till it is right.

-Mitali

You are worthy

The rose had lost its essence

Somehow it is now a pretense

The petals still had the smell of love

Yet , the symbol of love was forlorn

 

Sunflowers, Daisies and Jasmine

Their place once lost are now known

Each depicting beauty differently

Love has found new faces distinctly

 

Roses no more depict only class

There is equality now in the flowers

Some are used in healing

Others represent feelings

 

Like flowers, humans are distinct

Distinct shapes, sizes and color

Different, but not worthless

Worthy of the same respect

Each with their own thrust

 

One can be a Rose, other a Dahlia

Both in the same garden

Not preferred one over the other

Granted equal attention and care

Making the garden even prettier

 

The future is to grow together

Letting go of the insecurities

The rose will still be a rose

But high time to acknowledge others

 

Don’t judge, curse or demean looks

For eventually everything wilts

Be inclusive of others and flourish

Making the world a poetry to relish

 

-Mitali 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Handwritten Letter

I sat on my desk

Cleaning up the mess

A pile of junk collected

“Why didn’t I do this before?”

My mind contested

 

A paper here and there

Lot of debris lying upheld

Talking to myself like a loon

I requested myself

“Please grow up soon”

 

Throwing away the trash

My eyes caught a note

In a paper stream

A handwritten letter it was

Long forgotten and lost

 

In the world of emails

The postbox had lost its mystery

The mystery of the unknown

The wait of hearing without the phone

Now it was a sight of despair

I just wished time could pull me back

And drop me there 

 

Unlike today, it was no small talks

Letters comprised ‘life’ on a walk

The personal touch it brought

Was endearing and enthralling

It felt someone actually wanted to talk

Until technology slipped in

And created a havoc

 

My phone buzzed

A notification popped up

‘New mail received’ it informed

I chuckled back to my real form

Slipped the letter back in place

A happy smile on my face

 

I wish some things could come back

From the older times rack

Till then I will be the sailor

Sailing myself though the archives

Sailing across the technology clutter

Waiting for ‘My Handwritten Letter’

-Mitali

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Woman Must Be…

Loved the thought…very well written!!

Wild Scared Crazy

‘Pure,’ they say,
‘A woman must be pure.’
Untouched by any other man,
That’s reserved only for her husband.

‘Skilled,’ they say,
‘A woman must be skilled.’
An expert in all household chores,
Prefect to move into her husband’s home.

‘Soft,’ they say,
‘A woman must be soft.‘
Never voicing a word of objection,
Quiet and humble, even when she’s trampled.

‘Pretty,’ they say,
‘A woman must be pretty.‘
Put on all the make-up in the world,
Conceal the blemishes, scars, the true beauty.

‘Employed,’ they say,
‘A woman must be employed.’
Not draining a man’s income,
But earn lesser, you can’t injure a man’s ego.

‘Independent,’ they say,
‘A woman must be independent.’
But the whole house can be dependent on her,
Be it office…

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Who is the prettiest?

Mirror Mirror on the wall

Who is the prettiest of them all?

No Reply?It was uncanny

Hey there..Do you see me?

 

Silence got the place sedated

The mirror’s reply was long awaited

Isn’t it the Snow White?

The fairest of all the dolls

The prettiest of them all

Isn’t that how beauty is defined?

 

You are right on some sides

But there are more than one Snow White’s

Her beauty is alluring

But with time it will fade

Kindness makes her glow

It is what acts as an evil’s bait

 

I wonder your words were misconstrued

This is not something society approved

This isn’t how beauty is defined

I have been told I am not fair and undermined

Most occasions judged by my own

Laughing off on caricatures on skin tone

 

 No my dear, you are mistaken

The seasons have changed

The Snow White never intended to shame

But it was twisted and framed

 

The prettiest is the one with a kind heart

Not the one who mocks a scar

All the kind ones are Snow White’s

All the strong ones is what beauty looks like

Determined to do what is right

Unaffected by their messy side

 

They will be mocked again and again

Because evil despises their strength

Remember to smile at them

Let the seed of kindness be sown

Whether Black, Brown or White 

Whatever is your skin tone

 

Accept yourself and redefine beauty

For it will let the future flourish

Abandon the actual meaning of Snow White

Let the remains of mockery perish

For the future Snow White’s to cherish

 

-Mitali

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Find your sunshine

‘Hope this goes well’

Our heart wishes to tell

Weary of what future beholds

Hope brings positivity

It camouflages the cold

The sun shines bright these days

The moon sparkles its way

Sometimes the clouds turn gray

And rain is there to sway

As if nature has manifested this tale

And human power is curtailed

Hope holds us strong

It squeezes out all our scorn

We do not realize in the moment

Our hope is on a way to lookout

The sunshine that is lost

It gives us a way to deter the rine

And a reason to find our sunshine

-Mitali